The Biography of Emperor Dexter Benjamin

I have a Labradog. And he is a weirdo. A few years ago, in honor of his birthday, I wrote up a little biography for him. Today, he turns twelve-years-old. We lovingly call him a grumpy old man, and sometimes he is a mean old man. So, while reading this biography, I suggest you place The Heavy’s song “Mean Ol’ Man” on repeat. Because I find it important, I found it for you 😉 Just click play, then carry on reading.

Birthday: July 6th, 2009

Adoption Day: September 27th, 2009

Adoption Story:  In my first adopted family, I was named Coco Chanel.  Within only a few weeks, it was decided I was getting too big and my first family gave me away.  I ended up with her sister, who didn’t have the time or energy to care for me, so I was mostly left in the garage to my own devises.  I slept in an old box spring out there.  Shortly after, she decided she couldn’t handle all the babies in her life – she already had three human ones and two cat ones before I turned up – and she started talking to coworkers about how she was going to bring me to a shelter of some sort.  One of them asked if she was really going to just give me away, when she said yes, he offered to take me.

A couple of days later, a guy showed up to take me from my garage late at night.  I rode home on his lap, squirming and whimpering.  When we got to his garage, I was surprised when he brought me inside the big house instead.  He carried me in, up some stairs, into a room with a grumpy girl in it.  He plopped me in her lap and she squealed, I could feel her grumpies melting away.  She gushed and cooed and petted me, I wasn’t sure what all this attention was for and why I deserved it.  I was introduced to the rest of my new family: one pair of grandparents and a big red dog named Oscar.  The people all seemed to love me, Oscar didn’t care for me at all, and the whole thing left me a bit nervous inside.

That night, I snuggled with my new mom on the big thing – called a bed – for a while, she talked softly to me and stroked my ears.  After a while though, I got too nervous and went to find some quiet under the bed.  My new parents heard me thumping around under the bed beneath them as I settled myself into the furthest corner.

Over the next few days, I was brought to yet another house, but I was also brought back to the big house after.  We met my other grandparents, and their big gold dog named Ivy.  My new mom told me she was my auntie.  She was nice, let me play with her toys, taught me how to dog.

I went almost three whole weeks without a name at my new family’s house.  But I knew it wasn’t because they didn’t have an interest in me, they were just trying to think of the perfect one.  I was bought a bunch of new toys, some delicious new food – fit for an Emperor, you know – and some cookies.  I was showered with attention and love, and I very slowly stopped my escapes under the bed – and not only because I couldn’t fit anymore – but I wanted to be with my new parents all the time.

One day, none of us really remember it any more, but my mom and dad decided my name would be Dexter Benjamin (my mom had been secretly calling me Ben for a couple of days already).  Though, to this day, I will still answer to Little Brown Dog, as my mom and dad used to call me when I was little.

I have a good life.  I have a giant basket full of toys (though I now must share them, and my baby sister is slowly performing surgery on them all with her teeth, removing limbs and innards, but Mama always fixes them).  I have a dog bed in nearly every room in my new house.  I get special, fancy dinners every Sunday, and I always get to sample what’s on Dad and Mama’s plates.  They buy me special cookies from a fancy bakery – and I know if they’ve been in the building it’s in and haven’t gotten me any.  They plan almost all their vacations and trips around bringing me.  They also recently bought me my very own backyard that came with a cute little house, as well as a playhouse next door, where I can go see one of my favorite people: Sandy.

I’m still a bit of a nervous boy and an oddball, as well as a Mama’s Boy.  I like my water bowl in a certain place.  I need carpet tiles to reach it.  I like Mama to sit on the floor with me while I eat and watch that nothing’s sneaking up on me.  Like either of my sisters.  Blossom likes to hide under the kitty tower and spy on me while I’m eating.  She thinks I can’t see her, but I can.

When we got our new yard with the house, my parents had to leave me cookie trails all over the new house, so I wouldn’t be afraid of anywhere.  I used to be afraid of kitchens, but not our new one.  But I am still scared of bathrooms.  When we slept downstairs, I had to get a running start from the hallway in order to jump on the bed.

Some of my Favorites

Favorite Food:  Tacos & Bacon

Favorite Color:  Red

Favorite Plushy:  Rita, my ladybug

Favorite Toy:  Chuck It (at my house), Frisbee (at Grandma & Grandpa’s house)

Favorite Sibling:  Neither; but if I had to pick, probably Peaches.  She’s stopped trying to snuggle with me since the other one came, which I like.  I need my bubble.  But Blossom… she will not Leave. Me. Alone. Ever.  But… I do get concerned when she goes to places by herself with Mama.  I have to sniff them both thoroughly when they get back, and I watch diligently out the front window for them.  But I definitely don’t like her.

Favorite Thing To Do: My absolute FAVORITE thing to do, is to get my two little sestras in trouble. I know if I start barking randomly, I can get my sestra, Blossom to start barking, too. I know if I bark at Peaches when she walks into the room, I can also get Blossom to chase her. I love to cause trouble and then sit back like I am the poor, disadvantaged old man.

Favorite Vacation:  The year we got rained in our tent for two days and I got endless snuggles (Mama says this was at Tettegouche), and the year we saw a wolfie while hiking (Mama says this was at Cascade River).  Though, I did also like going to the Pittsburger place to see where my other grandma and grandpa are living now.

Favorite Day:  Friday, because Mama always tells me it’s the thing called the weekend after that, when I get special snuggles, special breakfasts, and special dinners.  And Sundays, we get special, yummy dinners on Sunday nights.

Favorite Time of Day:  Bedtime, when I get my yummy, soft treats and get to show off my tricks I know before getting lots of snuggles and cuddles.

State Parks I’ve Been To:  Banning, Jay Cooke, Tettegouche, Cascade River, Itasca, Scenic, Moose Lake, and Ohiopyle and Presque Isle State Park in Pennsylvania.

Great Lakes I’ve Swam In:  Lake Superior, and Lake Erie.

States I’ve Been To:  Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Maryland, and West Virginia.

Favorite Cars:  Big pick-up trucks and motorcycles

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